awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
Randomize
