I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
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