like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
Randomize
