oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
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