At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
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