I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
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