Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
i don't plan on having that self control this summer
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
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