I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
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