After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Randomize