I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
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