i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Randomize
