I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
Randomize
