my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
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