once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
Randomize
