This dress was meant to end up on your floor
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
Randomize
