whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
