I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
And then he peed in my hair
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