so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
Randomize