omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
I would ride that face into the sunset
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
Randomize
