Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
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