Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
Randomize