you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
I just cut my nipple shaving
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
Randomize
