New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
Randomize
