I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
Randomize
