Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
Randomize
