oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
Randomize
