actually, I'm a sock model
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
last night I used snow as a chaser
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
Randomize
