SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
Randomize
