how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
My vagina just clenched in fear
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Randomize