i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
Randomize
