I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
Randomize
