If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
I could fuck to npr.
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Randomize
