So he says he needs "alone time" a day that he doesnt have to deal with anyone. should i be concerned?
I think in guy language thats " Im fucking someone else and dont want u catching me"
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
