the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
Randomize
