I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
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