also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
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