If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
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