It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
Randomize
