next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
Randomize
