She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
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