yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Randomize
