FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
Randomize
