i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
Randomize
