Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
Randomize
