Look at my ENTIRE past
Highly public sexual behavior gross mismanagement of funds socially unaccpetable and radical speech and thought
Might as well have a blog about it at this point
What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
