I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
i dont even know how to be here
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Randomize
