Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
Randomize
