So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
Randomize
