Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
40s are totally the cure
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
Randomize
