He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
Randomize
