No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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