Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
Randomize
