Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
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