found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Randomize
