If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
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