K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
Randomize
