I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
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