She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Randomize
