I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
I don't get it.
Me neither.
But I masturbated to it anyway.
i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
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