so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
Randomize
