New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
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