Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
I wear drunk well.
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