just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
Randomize
