Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
Randomize
