somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
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