she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
Randomize