you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
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