Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
Randomize
