Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
Attn: you have now used your free, one time admission to pleasure town. Thank you for visiting I hope you enjoyed your trip. All future trips to P.T. Will cost you full admission price. We have different pricing plans to accommodate different situations, and remember it is more of a bartering system than a set price. Your patronage is always welcomed and once again thank you for visiting and have a fantastic evening.
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
Randomize
