He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
Randomize
