I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
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