physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
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