found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
Randomize
