The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
Randomize
